Gate 37 · Friendship

What it is like

You know how to create closeness where people feel at home. You give support and warmth, and in return you need honesty and give and take. Unspoken expectations often come to light only with the first disappointment.

When someone close has it

Someone with this gate looks after the community and often remembers who helps whom. Say plainly what you need and what you can give, because clear rules make trust easier for them.

A question for today

What do I expect from someone close to me today without saying it out loud?

The six lines of gate 37

1. Line 1 · Threshold Rules

   This line builds warmth on clear rules, set from the very first day. From the inside you feel the need to know where you stand before you truly open up to someone, and so you ask about the terms early. When the rules appear too late, regret comes easily, because unspoken expectations have already had time to show their effects in everyday life.

2. Line 2 · Tableside Care

   This line expresses friendship in the simplest way, through everyday care: a meal, a cup of tea, small help without words. You do it naturally and without a plan, and people around you gladly gather near you, because they feel someone is looking after them. It can happen that others start taking it for granted and forget their part of the agreement, and you are left with a giving nobody talks about.

3. Line 3 · Sternness and Laughter

   This line learns about boundaries in close relationships by trial, sometimes tightening the rules too hard, sometimes letting them go too loose. At home or among friends you look for the measure between sternness and ease, and you often find it only after some friction. When an agreement breaks, it is easy to decide the friendship has failed, although this is often exactly how its real terms get drawn.

4. Line 4 · Shared Abundance

   This line makes things multiply around you: people, opportunities, good food and conversation. Your circle of friends is a place where agreements work, because everyone knows what they give and what they get, and you make sure nobody leaves empty-handed. It can happen that looking after this abundance for everyone starts to tire you, and then it is worth saying out loud what you need in return.

5. Line 5 · Open House

   This line makes others see you as someone who keeps a home and a community warm and in order. People come convinced that with you they will find clear terms and care, and they often do find them, without needless worry. When expectations grow beyond what you can give, it is easy to take on the care of everyone, and then your own needs get lost in a crowd of other people's.

6. Line 6 · A Word Kept

   Over time this line shows that friendship rests on sincerity and on keeping one's word. From a distance you see which agreements have lasted for years and which fell apart at the first letdown, and you teach others simply by the way you conduct your own relationships. It can happen that this perspective draws you away from everyday closeness, and others feel judged by you instead of welcomed.

The centre of this gate

• Solar Plexus

Channels through gate 37

• 37–40 · Community